Monday, December 09, 2019

This years Thanksgiving Cooking Video starring Polly Lucke!



Shot and edited on my iPhone 7+

Latest addition to my collection



I've been wanting a set of these beautiful Brett Sherwood solid sterling silver and 24k gold cups since they came out over a decade ago.  So very happy to have gotten such a great deal on eBay.  Couldn't pass them up!  Used them at work the other night. Quite a treat!  

Magic Bartender. . . . yes, it's a thing.

Click pic to enlarge

For the last month or so I have taken a new position at The Magic Castle, as one of the resident bartending magicians in the Hat n Hare Pub. It's been a hoot learning a new skill like bartending.  I've had fun doing it and the staff has been exceptionally patient with me as I learn the in's and out's of pouring drinks, managing my bar and learning the POS computer system.


Bar magic isn't all that different than street performing.  You deal with a lot of distractions during the performance and anything can happen with a happy and drinking audience.  I'm loving the challenge and hoping to make management and guests alike happy with my performance.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Water Under Bridges • Gregory Porter

I miss my kids


     Divorce can be cruel, ugly and some downright fucked up shit. My heart breaks that I haven't had a relationship with my 4 kids in 13 years.  I don't know why I still care.  Again and again they have let me know, in a variety of ways that they want nothing to do  me.  Why do I still hold out hope?  How stupid am I? How did things even get this way?  I have tried through the years to convey my interest in rebuilding a relationship with my children John Frank (Buster), Max Frank, Hope Frank & Liam Frank. I just want to hug them and tell them how much I love them and miss them.

     The photo is of my son Max. He turned 23 years old earlier this month.  I tried to reach out to him, again and ask him if he wanted or needed anything for his birthday.  I had no expectation of his getting back to me and he didn't.  At times there has been minimal communication with these young adults, but in the end it always seem to dissolve into nothing. There are fathers out there that want nothing to do with their kids. That has never been me.  Before, during and after my two marriages and divorces, I wanted kids, I still want my kids, and just wish they wanted me in their life.  The holidays are rough each year.  I have offered to pay for flights to have them come down here to visit, or I'd be happy to visit them in Auburn, WA. anytime.

For the last few years, I've seen a therapist on and off, trying to deal with this stuff.  Sometimes I feel like it's helped, other times not so much.  Holidays are hard.  I hardly feel like celebrating any of them.  What could I be doing different?  Perhaps, just leave them alone.  I think 2020 might just be the year to not try and contact them.  Let them be.  It's painful to think about them, it's painful not to.  I just wish things were different.  I have no control in the matter.  It's up to them.


"There is nothing so whole as a broken heart.” 

- Rabbi Menachem Mendel

Sunday, November 24, 2019

Margie Frank Porter RIP

   34 years ago today my kid sister Margie lost her life in a horrible car wreck. She was 18 years old with a 1 year old baby. The baby's name was Nikki. Sadly she would be dead as well by the age of 22. Life can be so cruel and memories can be haunting. Fucking shit. 



I still think about them both, sometimes wonder where their lives would have gone had they lived. It was a long time ago.  The older I get the more I realize how crazy, randon and fucked up life can be.  We all have our own shit to deal with. No one ever said life was supposed to be fair or make sense.  You play the cards you're dealt and move on as best you can. 



I miss you Margie and Nikki. You know my love with not fade away. I hope you're in heaven with Mom looking down and having a good laugh.  Till next time sis. . . . . 


Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Feeling Low

Spent the morning trying to help my friend.  Trying to figure out how his PayPal account disappeared.  Best we can guess, is that when he authorized someone to remotely access his computer for the purpose of helping him, that he got hacked. His PayPal account was cleaned out and the account closed.  I spent a couple of hours on the phone with PayPal  and merging the call with my friend.  PayPal says they have no history of his account that he used for 20 years. What a crock of shit. I'm beside myself.  PayPal said that when an account is closed all history of that account is deleted.

It's a cruel world. Dog eat dog.  It's fucked up.  PayPal can't do a damn thing about it? Seriously!?

Trying to manage my anger and disappointment.  Need to change my mood, going to work as a Bartending Magician in the Hat & Hare Pub at The Magic Castle this evening and need to change gears.

I'm trying to except that I have to watch my friend loose his mind and die.  How do I make any sense out of any of it.  He talks about his frustration and anger, feelings of uselessness and desire to be dead.  This is heavy fucking shit.  I love him so deeply and our friendship goes back to teenage years.    I can only help him as much as I can.  This bothers me greatly.  Today I thought when I was authorized to discuss his account on his behalf (no easy task) with PayPal that we were making progress.  Then to have that door shut in our face is troubling.  How much worse can this guys life get?  I guess we're going to fine out.


#AlzheimersSucks

“Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.”


― Mark Twain

Gravity • John Mayer



Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh I'll never know what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Oh, gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees
Oh twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
It's wanting more
That's gonna send me to my knees

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me
Oh gravity has taken better men than me (how can that be?)

Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where keep me where the light is (oh, oh)

Struggling

My therapist has recommended that journaling may help my frame of mind.  In a nut shell, one of my oldest and dearest friends was diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer's disease. He's 57 years old and has twin three year olds.  We've been talking almost daily for an hour a day for the last 6 months.  At times I feel a crushing sense of sadness, other times I feel depressed, angry and confused.  I love my pal, really a soul brother and someone who I shared a house with for a couple years back in 1986, & 1987.

In most likelihood there is no happy ending to this story.  His father died of Alzheimer's by the time he was 62 years old.  I don't know what to say or how to feel or what to do.  In our daily talks, he has good days and bad days.  Some days his brain seems to be working ok, other days things are way off. His long term memory seems fairly intact, while his short term memory is shot.  We spend a great  deal of time on tasks that most of us take for granted. Again and again I've helped him navigate his iPhone.  How to check a voicemail message, or a text or email.  How to use Waze. . . . again.

My heart is breaking, but there is no limit to my love.  Am I really going to have to watch my friend slowly slip away and die?  I wish there was something I could do.  He lives almost 400 miles away from me, so there is only so much I can help him with on the phone.  I've visited him twice in the last 6 months.

What do I think? How do I feel.  I feel like if I ever didn't know who my wife was, or who I was, that would be the place I want get off the bus. Recently I tried to have a very grown up discussion with him about assisted suicide.  Better to have this conversation with him while he can still understand it. . . I thought.  I got no real indication as to whether it was making any sense to him at all, what I was saying.

I feel things deeply, deeper than most people as my father has reminded me over the decades.  It is true.  I am unashamed to love this man as much as I do, or anyone for that matter. My emotions are what they are, and the situation clearly sucks.  I've dealt with death in my life, more than my fair share, as well as two divorces and the estrangement of my 4 kids.  I am no stranger to pain and anger. This is so sad, to watch a disease begin to eat my friends' brain like a zombi.

I'm struggling, I have to accept the fact that I will watch my dear friend slowly loose his mind and die.  I don't know how to do that. The feelings are so strong and the tears, so many.  I will contine to try and help him as much as I can, for as long as I can.

Monday, November 18, 2019

November in California • 84 degrees Blue Skies & Sunny

Shot on iPhone 7+    Long Exposure
Leo Carrillo State Beach
Malibu, California




Hennessy Black Gig


Hey Tom, 
I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for working so hard to create and incredible show for our clients and guests last Tuesday! It was so wonderful to finally have the chance to work with you. You absolutely killed it. Our clients are extremely pleased with your performance and how you were able to seamlessly incorporate Hennessy Black. Overall, the event was a huge success and everyone is extremely happy. 
All the best,
Krista Pershinsky
Event Manager
Quintessentially

Photo Credit: Bill Kennedy