Friday, December 15, 2006



Feeling absolutely terrific! Spent the afternoon and evening yesterday with my girl, chillen at the crib. It was another beautiful day in the mid seventies, blue skies and sunny.

Today, the plan is, to go to the Castle for lunch with Aye Jaye then set up shop at Hollywood and Highland and settle in for the evening. My shows are good lately and my head is back, screwed on right. I had a tough spell there. Professionally, it is by far the most frustrating thing, to want to perform well, but to have such a heavy heart that it effects the vibe of the show, at least in my mind.

Getting back on track again. . .

Feeling better and not a moment too soon. Momentarily, school will be out and the full, frontal, frenzy of the peak holiday shopping season will be at hand. Lock and load my retail brethren, I am fully stocked with Stripper Decks, Stripper Deck Books, and Mental Photography Decks. I also have a dozen Soc-O-Magic. Tis the season. I am looking forward to a good evening on the street. Hollywood & Highland is a FREAKFEST and I'm always happy to be a part of the craziness.

Crowd gathering in LA is as tough a as anywhere in the world, if not tougher. People are jaded, they've seen everything twice. The competition for your attention is fierce! At peak spots like Venice Beach, The Santa Monica Promenade or Pier, Hollywood & Urinal etc. . . you have HIGH END Retail, Restaurants, Hotels, Theaters of all sorts, Liquor stores and strip clubs, famous people and they're names on stars on the sidewalk. Now add in an amplified street act every 40 feet with at least one break dancing troupe per location. What to say? What to do? How to get things started. I used to be very aggressive in getting people to stop and watch. That was years ago. Anymore, I'm looking for just a tad more commitment in my audience. It's kind of a zen approach. I take all the pressure off myself by putting on some music I enjoy, lighting my cigar, sitting at my table, removing my cards from the tuckcase and trying to seem as uninterested in anyone's attention as possible. I know that it's usually only a matter of minutes before I start reeling them in a little. Steeple Chase Coin Rolls and Expert Card Handling along with a giant cloud of cigar smoke. That's what I'm talking about, someone who will sit through that. . . . that's the commitment I'm looking for. . . these are my people.

People don't really want to clap. Why should that matter to me. They barely smile. That used to bother me a lot. Now I recognize the real proof in the pudding, (whatever the fuck that means) is that, they are still standing there. The ebb and flow of people coming and leaving during a performance is the constant distraction of rejection. It's a heavy thing and not for the meek.

"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time" James Taylor

The only real way to engage the audience fully is to have them convinced that you are loving what you are doing, at the very moment in time. The more fun you have, the more fun they have. . . it's an easy equation. But when those sneakers in your head, start tumbling around and emotion and circumstance close in. . . . well. . . welcome to the real world.


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Another day another dollar. . .

It’s been a wild ride. All these years of doing magic for a living. It’s been more than a living, it’s been a life. The work I’m doing now on the street is as tough as it’s ever been. . . but that’s they way it is, I embrace it, deal with it and somehow make it work.

I love magic, but also like the role of entrepreneur. I miss the satisfaction of creating something, dreaming it up and doing it. There’s so much opportunity everywhere you look. Sometimes, I get it in my head, that to do anything else with my life would be to admit having wasted my whole life. WRONG!

I am good at a lot of things, I’m a great sales person and an excellent manager. It might be time to play “Million Dollar Idea Of The Day”.

What to do, what to do? Need to start thinking. The last couple of weeks ripped a huge scab off my healing heart. This shit with Buster was an unexpected kick in the nuts. I can’t let it drag me down.

As my Dad says, “Plan your work and work your plan” well to date, there’s been no plan and not much work. Just getting by, but that’s something too.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Jackson Browne - Looking Into You - 1974

Well I looked into a house I once lived in
Around the time I first went on my own
When the roads were as many as the places I had dreamed of
And my friends and I were one
Now the distance is done and the search has begun
I've come to see where my beginnings have gone

Oh the walls and the windows were still standing
And the music could be heard at the door
Where the people who kindly endured my odd questions
Asked if I came very far
And when my silence replied they took me inside
Where their children sat playing on the floor

Well we spoke of the changes that would find us farther on
And it left me so warm and so high
But as I stepped back outside to the grey morning sun
I heard that highway whisper and sigh
Are you ready to fly?

And I looked into the faces all passing by
Its an ocean that will never be filled
And the house that grows older and finally crumbles
That even love cannot rebuild
Its a hotel at best, youre here as a guest
You oughta make yourself at home while youre waiting for the rest

Well I looked into dream of the millions
That one day the search will be through
Now here I stand at the edge of my embattled illusions
Looking into you

The great song traveler passed through here
And he opened my eyes to the view
And I was among those who called him a prophet
And I asked him what was true
Until the distance had shown how the road remains alone
Now I'm looking in my life for a truth that is my own

Well I looked into the sky for my anthem
And the words and the music came through
But words and music can never touch the beauty that I've seen
Looking into you -- and thats true

The inside of my brain

Is a dark place. The walls close in a little every day. Confusion mounts and my inner voice isn’t always on my side. But like a wave of cosmic fresh air Polly Lucke breathes new life into me everyday. She, who admittedly, “Thinks I’m OK” is a God send and a blessing. For those of you keeping score at home, we are still very much in love and have pledged to not let the weight of these unfortunate circumstances fuck our relationship up.

Nobody knows better than us the quality of care, concern, love and discipline we were providing in our household. Nobody loves this kid more than me. While I guess I would never win father of the year, ANYONE who knows me and has spent any time with me knows how I feel about my kids and the quality of the care I provide.

On the other hand, there’s a extraordinary amount of legal documentation arguing quite the opposite. His underhanded lowliness of jumping on that bandwagon was a stroke of evil genius. He must get that from his mom’s side, or perhaps just Moira’s influence over the years. Touché, an obvious weakness that he is continuing to exploit.

So, which is it? Am I the abusive, crazed, drug addicted monster that has driven him to run away and threaten suicide or is this a fucked up teenager who needs some help and will do and say anything to get his way, which I guess is blowing off another year of school and not coming back here.

It’s a new week. Time for a fresh perspective and some short term goals. I am a good person, I have a lot to offer and I’M A GOOD DAD. Just ask any of my kids that won’t talk to me.

down the rabbit hole

A rabbit down a rabbit hole, not to some, happy go lucky, place where cat smiles hang in the air and caterpillars smoke hookahs on mushrooms. Nope! This was not to be the fate of this poor, fluffy, pink nosed, whisker twitching, ignorant bunny. Getting away from the pack of angry and hungry dogs that were quick on her tail. . . that was the pressing concern.

All she could think of was protecting her baby rabbits. Really. . . quite a shame. Well, one could say, that the dogs ate well that night.