The inside of my brain

Is a dark place. The walls close in a little every day. Confusion mounts and my inner voice isn’t always on my side. But like a wave of cosmic fresh air Polly Lucke breathes new life into me everyday. She, who admittedly, “Thinks I’m OK” is a God send and a blessing. For those of you keeping score at home, we are still very much in love and have pledged to not let the weight of these unfortunate circumstances fuck our relationship up.

Nobody knows better than us the quality of care, concern, love and discipline we were providing in our household. Nobody loves this kid more than me. While I guess I would never win father of the year, ANYONE who knows me and has spent any time with me knows how I feel about my kids and the quality of the care I provide.

On the other hand, there’s a extraordinary amount of legal documentation arguing quite the opposite. His underhanded lowliness of jumping on that bandwagon was a stroke of evil genius. He must get that from his mom’s side, or perhaps just Moira’s influence over the years. Touché, an obvious weakness that he is continuing to exploit.

So, which is it? Am I the abusive, crazed, drug addicted monster that has driven him to run away and threaten suicide or is this a fucked up teenager who needs some help and will do and say anything to get his way, which I guess is blowing off another year of school and not coming back here.

It’s a new week. Time for a fresh perspective and some short term goals. I am a good person, I have a lot to offer and I’M A GOOD DAD. Just ask any of my kids that won’t talk to me.