Thursday, March 01, 2007

Other things on my mind

I've been talking to my first ex-wife Cricket about Buster lately. Things not so good there with bizarre family issues mounting into anger on her and her family's end. Buster has been living at Cricket's mom's house, feeding her whole family the "poor me" riff, and portraying Cricket and me as the worst parents in history. Evidently they're buying it and trying to get temporary custody of him. Cricket will fight it to a point, but we all know, in the end; Buster will have to start making grown up decisions very soon about his future. He will be 17 next month and he's not been in school since moving there. He won't talk to me on the phone and I worry about him. I worry about where his head is at. When he left here, he agreed to see someone to help him work through some of this stuff. To this date, he has not.

I wish he would talk to me.

On a lighter note I did talk to Hope and Liam on Sunday. They sounded good, full of life and youthful energy. Hope had all sorts of questions about Polly. For Christmas Polly had knitted Max, Hope & Liam winter hats with pom poms in the top, ear covers and tie strings. Sounds like the kids liked them.

I think about my kids all the time, however; I have stopped the self loathing. Things are what they are, I have a lot to offer as a parent; maybe someday I'll get to show them. In the desire to move on and end the fight, I put down my sword turned around and walked away. She got everything she wanted. Total control of the kids granting me supervised visitations for only at few hours at her discretion and only after a hair follicle test and a graft of my left testical . They live in Washington State, I live here. . . and no. . of course she wouldn't let them visit me for any amount of time. I'd put three plane tickets on my credit card in a minute to have them for spring break.

It feels good to write these words and not get bummed out. I think that's growth. I have a great life! Polly and I are going on a year at the end of this month. I feel really good inside.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.


olam haba, originally uploaded by nice+smooth ultramedia.

1 comment:

J.R. Hughson said...

You don't need god to grant that to you. You have it in you already. I've seen it.