I wish he would talk to me.
On a lighter note I did talk to Hope and Liam on Sunday. They sounded good, full of life and youthful energy. Hope had all sorts of questions about Polly. For Christmas Polly had knitted Max, Hope & Liam winter hats with pom poms in the top, ear covers and tie strings. Sounds like the kids liked them.
I think about my kids all the time, however; I have stopped the self loathing. Things are what they are, I have a lot to offer as a parent; maybe someday I'll get to show them. In the desire to move on and end the fight, I put down my sword turned around and walked away. She got everything she wanted. Total control of the kids granting me supervised visitations for only at few hours at her discretion and only after a hair follicle test and a graft of my left testical . They live in Washington State, I live here. . . and no. . of course she wouldn't let them visit me for any amount of time. I'd put three plane tickets on my credit card in a minute to have them for spring break.
It feels good to write these words and not get bummed out. I think that's growth. I have a great life! Polly and I are going on a year at the end of this month. I feel really good inside.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.