Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Stuck

For over a year I've promised myself that, (for the most part) I wouldn't use my blog to air my dirty laundry with regard to my divorce or issues with my ex-wife Moira. Shit, I aired enough dirty laundry on "Coming through The Haze" to choke several industrial washing machines.

But I've felt a little stuck lately.

On Father's Day, I put in my weekly call to the kids and Moira tells me, "They don't want to talk to you." I asked her why not. She answered, "why don't you ask them". I replied, "I'd like to, but you won't put them on the phone." She then informed me that I need to find another way to communicate with them. I asked her what she suggested, she said that was my problem and that she was done enabling me.

The last time I saw all of my kids in one place was last Father's Day in Ellensburg.



We had a nice day, lunch, fun at the park then went to see a movie. I screwed up figuring out which movie would get us back on time. I called her 20 minutes after I was supposed to drop off the kids at the Ellenburg Police Department, where we met in front and would do the exchange.

I told her I was on my way, she said to just stay there. 5 minutes later 3 cop cars roll up on the theater. Nice, on Father's Day and my last visit with the kids before my move to California. Stupid cunt, like my kids need that added confusion. Her boyfriend shows up, the kids see her get out of one of the cop cars. Who knows what line of crap brings out the entire Ellensburg Police Department on a Sunday. I'll say it again. . . STUPID CUNT.

That was the last time I saw my kids. . . a year ago.

5 hours every other week, that's what money can buy and her lawyer made it so.

By moving I tried to end the war.

I thought I would be able to talk to my kids

I thought a lot of things

I miss my kids and think about them every day

I need to move on

It might be years, but the ball is now in the kids court. I am here for them, if and when they need me.

My heart brakes daily

6 comments:

your brother, your friend said...

"There's nothing more whole, than a broken heart"-Ba'al Shem Tov

Everything that happens to us, happens for our own benefit.

Keep the faith! Always be happy, no matter what! Then, you win!

your brother, your friend

Anonymous said...

Your brother is a dick.

It's tough to see you so heart broken. We all love you, and thank you for the update. One day the Little Kids will understand everything, it just may take a while. It's very sad for them.

Love you too.

Timmy Jimmy said...

It might be years, but the ball is now in the kids court.
Bullshit. How is the ball in the kids court? They are kids. Moira is poisoning them against you. My mom did the same thing to my father. I didn't see him for over twenty years until I was about 23 and I contacted him. His image of us was as we were. Little children. He "got on with his life" but we all missed out.
He felt that after we finally got together that it was all just "water under the bridge". (His exact words)
That is bullshit too, his not being in my life has affected me and my children.
Tom, If you want to shape, mold, have any input in your childrens development, now is the time to get after it. The ball is not in the kids court. They are the ball!
The way I feel about my "dad" is that he was a wimp and a loser. He never contacted us and allowed our mom, his ex wife to control his ablility to interact with us. I don't have all the answers, but if I got divorced, there is nothing that would keep me from being a part of my childrerns lives now. Later is just that, late!
I know this hurts and you are in financial challenges, I love you enough to tell you that if you want to be in their lives, YOU Have to go after it.

Anonymous said...

I think Timmy's right, though I woudn't have had the balls to say it.

As for your brother and "everything happens to us for our own benefit" - tell that to the people in Darfur. Its a well-meaning sentiment, but sounds like hippie bs to me.

Fight the good fight Tom!

your brother said...

To both anonymous's, May you be blessed with happiness and peace. And may you also be blessed to see and hear and speak only good.

Trickster said...

I agree most wouldn't have had the balls to lay it out so bluntly, myself included, but Timmy did and I'll now support him. Fight Tom, your kids stand to lose too much by not having "YOU" in their lives, they'll miss out on not only a father but "YOU". Even if it is the occasional hard, long drive to cash in your few petty hours, just let them know how you feel. She can say what she will, but your effort and loving will have a deeper impact on them in the long term if not the short.

She can stop the phone calls and even intercept mail, but in person you getto tell the kids how you truly feel, if nothing more, just knowing dad does love them will make a difference.

Good Luck
Brendan

PS. Kids don't generally like seeing parents fight, but they do like being fought for, tough balance to achieve.