Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Divorce & Christmas

Christmas 2002 was the last Christmas that I spent with my kids as a family. How would I know that less than six months later, I would be out on my ear with a restraining order preventing me from seeing my kids

Whatever. . bla bla, bla. Fast forward five years. I enter a toy store in Santa Monica, to look for Christmas gifts for my kids. My heart sinks. Confronting the holidays without my children is still something that cripples my soul. Looking for gifts for children I don’t know. We’ve grown apart.

I’d hop on a plane today if she would let me see them, or buy them all tickets to visit me during their break. But that’s not the way it works in my world. Lets just say it’s hardest during birthdays and holidays. They don’t want to talk to me on the phone or communicate by mail much. I’ve asked to be able to e-mail with them, IM or Video Chat, but once again, that would make my life too easy.

But I refuse to go to “That” place. I wish my pregnant ex-wife and my kids all the happiness I wasn’t able to give them. The irony is, now that I have all the time in the world to devote to my kids, I’m not allowed to even see them.

Well life is funny that way. I’ll put in a call to see what they would all like for Christmas, and be lucky to get a call back.

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