Saturday, August 11, 2007

Pic du Jour - Court Magician


Court Magician, originally uploaded by vintagepix.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


sunrise santa monica, originally uploaded by ::enrapture::.

Wed.

I like the quiet street I live on, a short cul de sac with minimal activity. A kid on one of those fold up scooters cruises up the drive way across the street from me.

Many days I sit here on the front porch, smoking a cigar, typing, listening to my ipod, reading or maybe shuffling cards.

I nominate myself for pussy of the year if I ever complain about anything ever again.

I do whatever I want, whenever I want. Not a bad lifestyle.

I put in a few hours each night to put together rent, child support, car ins, phone, utilities, groceries. My dad once said I make as much as I need.

Been a little slim lately, need to pick it up a notch. That’s the problem with trying to perform with a heavy heart. Last night was fine, did OK financially, made good art, connected well with my audiences and came home early to spend some time with my woman.

Took a hike last week with Polly’s friend Ruth in Malibu, seafood for lunch and some sunbathing on the beach.

The more I get settled in to the new house, the more I love it. All the comforts of home, and I’m talking COMFORT.

I like staying home. It was nice, Polly had a late call time so we got in some morning time to hang and chat. She’s usually long gone by the time I get up at 9AM.

So there you have it more up to the minute minutia on the goings on in my life and in my head.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Feelings

It’s funny when the shit that festers deep in your sub conscience bubbles to the surface, takes you by storm and creates a meltdown of emotion.

I’ve been a bit out of sorts for a week, wondering what was fucking with this great life I lead. I usually figure it has to to with how much I miss my kids. But I’ve finally resigned to the fact that they’re all having a great time, living their own lives surrounded by people who love them. I’ve grieved the loss of my wives and family sufficiently and have moved on in my own life pursuing my own happiness by bringing it to others.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom lately. I kept wanting to call her on the phone and hear her voice. I thought I had fully grieved her death. Guess not. As she had been sick for years before her heart transplant, I had spent more than a few years preparing myself for that eventuality. Closer to the end, we talked on the phone daily for months. She had good days and bad days but somehow I could always see the smile on her face as I reported my latest antics.

She was something else and there’ll never be another woman like her. It’s easy to pass the blame for wrongs done decades ago, but at her core she was one of the most loving people I ever met.

I miss her so much it hurts. She had a theory about teenagers, she thought that they should all be locked up and fed raw meat until they grew up. She put up with me and my shit, not to mention all the other commotion that seemed to surround our household.

I called her sister yesterday, my Aunt Jonnie. I never call her, but wanted to feel closer to my mom. She sounded great and was happy to talk to me. Like my mom she is a whack job in her own right. You see, I come from a long line of whack jobs. It just runs in our family.

Polly can read my like a book, and she reads fast. Last night we talked, cried and remembered what a swell person my mom was. Polly and I go back 25 years having grown up in the same neighborhood and attending the same school. . . before I got l got kicked out. She remembers my mom, knew her, liked her and knew that she would be happy the we are together.

My mom was my biggest fan, I could always make her laugh. I miss that.

Today I called Norm (my step dad, who was married to her for 25 years). We had a nice chat about the past and the present. He’s since retired and moved to Athens, GA to live with his daughter Mary Martha and her family. I can’t imagine that anyone would miss her more than him.

I don’t know if the wi fi in heaven has the sufficient bandwidth with pick this up, but mom, if your reading this. . . I love you so much and carry so much of you in my heart and personality. I miss you.

I put this little video together after she passed in Feb of 2006

For Polly

Sure I know you'd like to have me
Talk about my future
And a million words or so to fill you in about my past
Have I sisters or a brother
When's my birthday how's my mother
Well my dear in time I'll answer all those things you ask

But for now I'll just say I love you
Nothing more seems important somehow
And tomorrow can wait come whatever
Let me love you forever but right now
Right now

Some fine day when we go walking
We'll take time for idle talking
Sharing every feeling as we watch each other smile
I'll hold your hand you'll hold my hand
We'll say things we never had planned
Then we'll get to know each other in a little while

But for now let me say I love you
Later on there'll be time for so much more
But for now meaning now and forever
Let me kiss you my darling then once more
Once more

But for now let me say I love you
Later on I must know much more of you
But for now here and now how I love you
As you are in my arms I love you
I love you
I love you

Sunday, August 05, 2007


The magician's rabbit, originally uploaded by vattenpuss.