Monday, April 21, 2008

Fixing a hole. . .

Tough few weeks. It started thinking about Busters’ 18th birthday. I sent him a letter and a $500 check. . . still no word. It’s been over a year since I’ve heard his voice or had any direct communication. C’est la vie. . . .

I put in a call to my other 3 kids in Washington State on Easter. Hope tried calling back, but I missed her call. Left a message for Max, Hope & Liam yesterday, got no call back. Hopes’ birthday is on May 5th and I wanted to find out what she wants for her birthday. Coupled with an overwhelming sense of loss (I miss my kids and obsess about them daily), The last few weeks have been some of the toughest weeks financially at work.

For me, it’s about acknowledging that my head is so far up my ass I can’t see. Next step, removing head from ass and trying to avoid the strong vacuum.

Next step is embracing the notion that my self worth is not dependant on anything external.

Feeling better already. Cigar in hand, Wide Spread Panic, blaring through the headphones.

I am a good person, I have friends and family who love me. The sun is shining and it’s a good day to be alive.

2 comments:

Gentlemen Prefer Redheads said...

You are loved Tom....and missed terribly

Anonymous said...

The fact that you still think about your kids and want to be with them shows you are a loving and caring person. If you were the shmuck you sometimes feel like, you would have walked away from these emotions completely, right? Keep the line out to them. They'll come around when they are ready.

Brett