Nice bit of recent press

Veteran Magician Tom Frank Continues to Delight Audiences at the Magic Castle • Click on this to check it out

Water Under Bridges • Gregory Porter

I miss my kids

     Divorce can be cruel, ugly and some downright fucked up shit. My heart breaks that I haven't had a relationship with my 4 kids in 13 years.  I don't know why I still care.  Again and again they have let me know, in a variety of ways that they want nothing to do  me.  Why do I still hold out hope?  How stupid am I? How did things even get this way?  I have tried through the years to convey my interest in rebuilding a relationship with my children John Frank (Buster), Max Frank, Hope Frank & Liam Frank. I just want to hug them and tell them how much I love them and miss them.

     The photo is of my son Max. He turned 23 years old earlier this month.  I tried to reach out to him, again and ask him if he wanted or needed anything for his birthday.  I had no expectation of his getting back to me and he didn't.  At times there has been minimal communication with these young adults, but in the end it always seem to dissolve into nothing. There are fathers out there that want nothing to do with their kids. That has never been me.  Before, during and after my two marriages and divorces, I wanted kids, I still want my kids, and just wish they wanted me in their life.  The holidays are rough each year.  I have offered to pay for flights to have them come down here to visit, or I'd be happy to visit them in Auburn, WA. anytime.

For the last few years, I've seen a therapist on and off, trying to deal with this stuff.  Sometimes I feel like it's helped, other times not so much.  Holidays are hard.  I hardly feel like celebrating any of them.  What could I be doing different?  Perhaps, just leave them alone.  I think 2020 might just be the year to not try and contact them.  Let them be.  It's painful to think about them, it's painful not to.  I just wish things were different.  I have no control in the matter.  It's up to them.

"There is nothing so whole as a broken heart.” 

- Rabbi Menachem Mendel

Margie Frank Porter RIP

   34 years ago today my kid sister Margie lost her life in a horrible car wreck. She was 18 years old with a 1 year old baby. The baby's name was Nikki. Sadly she would be dead as well by the age of 22. Life can be so cruel and memories can be haunting. Fucking shit. 

I still think about them both, sometimes wonder where their lives would have gone had they lived. It was a long time ago.  The older I get the more I realize how crazy, randon and fucked up life can be.  We all have our own shit to deal with. No one ever said life was supposed to be fair or make sense.  You play the cards you're dealt and move on as best you can. 

I miss you Margie and Nikki. You know my love with not fade away. I hope you're in heaven with Mom looking down and having a good laugh.  Till next time sis. . . . .