Happy 30th Birthday John Buster Frank

Today marks my oldest son John's 30th birthday.  I wish he wanted to have a relationship with me as I miss and love him very much.  It's been many years since he's wanted to be a part of my life.

Communication is a two way street and and much as I would like for him to be in my life, it's out of my control. Years of therapy have helped me come to terms with the estrangement of all of 4 of my kids.  While I am trying to be at peace with who I am, what my values are and what I believe I can bring to the table, it doesn't really soften the blow of knowing that he wants nothing to do with me.

People are always telling me that my kids will come around and that things will change, I have my doubts. With each passing year I continue to hold out hope that this might be true.

I have so much love in my heart for all of my kids.  I'm a decent person and would love nothing more than to bring them back into the fold, but that's out of my control.  To quote Bonnie Raitt "I can't make you love me, if you don't. I can't make your heart feel something it won't." It's been many years since I've felt like a victim. I've owned up to my own personal flaws and mistakes I've made in marriage and divorce.  What are you going to do?  Time passes, years go by and yet this doesn't change.

I love you son, more than you will ever know.  You've got my number, email address, Skype, FaceTime, and other ways to reach me, I wish you would. Happy birthday wherever you are.  I hope you are doing well, that you are happy and healthy and are enjoying your journey.  These are strange times we are in right now. Nothing would make me happier than to hear from you.  I love you.

The years I spent as a loving father are among the most treasured memories to me.  It feels like a lifetime ago but is always close to my heart.

Filling my heart with love. Missing all of my kids.