Thursday, August 17, 2006

Having Feelings

Like rocks rolling around in my head, thoughts have a way of getting stuck. Bothered lately that I haven't heard from Buster all summer and finding out recently that he's been working on his mom pretty good not to send him here to go to school and let him stay there. Arrrggghh I would feel a lot better just knowing what's going on with him. I miss him and know that we could all have a great life here.

Next week my youngest child Liam will be 5 years old. It breaks my heart that he will grow from being a little kid and not really know me. I'll send him a gift, a letter, put in a call to him and sing him happy birthday. . . what else can I do. It's been years since I have been permitted to see any of them on their birthdays.

Strange Thought

Perhaps the worst part of my tizzy is that without my 4 four kids, I might actually have to look at myself as an individual and evaluate what I see. That's a scary thought.

Strip away all the layers of emotional baggage and peer into the center of my soul.

Fuck that. . . no one is that brave.

I'll give it some thought. . .


Anonymous said...

Peering and leaning into the dark areas? People do this all the time. Its deep spiritual work which can be done alone or through the help of a guide such as a counselor, therapist, or other spiritual advisor one trusts. I would recommend that you seek out a guide that you trust....

michael abraham said...

Reb. Nachman says "Life is a very narrow bridge and the most important thing of all is to not make yourself afraid...."