Mind run a muck. I don’t know what to feel. I feel like I’m letting him down, I feel like I’m letting all of my kids down. I know the painful answer to relationship building with these kids is TIME. And I get the feeling it’s going to be a long time.
Don’t go down that dark path of self doubt and destruction. Keep going, even though you don’t feel like it. Keep my eye on the ball.
I may sound all doom and gloom, but the reality of the situation is Polly is taking VERY good care of me. It’s still 80 degrees in the first week of December, I’m still nude sunbathing and walking on the beaches. . . . . ooh. . . boo. . . hoo. . . poor me.
I will go out there this afternoon, to the Promenade at Santa Monica and offer the mild mannered mysteries of my magic in exchange for the pleasantries of a smile, a wink or a few bucks. . . whatever fits your lifestyle. I think it’s time to start selling some decks! Drivers start your engines.
My weekend was fucked money wise. Never really got fully engaged in the process. Cellini used to say, half the battle is just being there with your stuff. So, I went out, I was there with my stuff , but that was about it. I did a couple of shorter sets and wasn’t feeling the magic.
Now I have to play catch up on a tuesday. I’m gonna rock the room. I’m gonna be a pitchen fool. Alternating shows with pitches should guarantee an even mix of revenue. My mission today is to perform “for” someone not “at“ them. I will take the time in the early part of the show to establish rapport, introduce myself, and create a tone and pace for the show before it even begins. I have a problem of always wanted to dive in there right off the bat. Card tricks to get the crowd. How do I slow down the process, build the crowd and waste time till I feel like there are enough people to start?
Attitude is everything. I walk a tight rope out there. One mental slip, landing on a tizzy can send you home early, like this last weekend. Now I need to get back up on that horse and invite the next motherfucker to try and knock me off.
Bla bla bla bla bla, I’ll say it. I got no idea how it’s gonna go, but I will show up, and put on he best show that I can. Maybe even throw in something new or different. Just need to stay positive. Hand out business cards and talk about holiday parties during the pitch. This is peak season, fourth quarter. You wanna get in the game? I want to get in the game!
I haven’t said it in a while here publicly, but I love Polly Lucke. Man, do I love this woman. She has been so swell through all this shit. We lie in bed and talk about childhood memories. Having grown up in Cincinnati's Hyde Park neighborhood 25 years ago, it’s nice to be able to talk about those same places and the people that we were back then as teenagers. Oy.
We went to the same school, The School for the Creative & Performing Arts. Cricket went there, my brother Mike went there, Harvey, Mark Mounts, Rich & Roy, Sue Block and Stephanie, Jonnie Snow, and Andy and Stuart who became a Elvis Pastor. . . for real.
Boy, it’s a wonder that anyone gets through adolescence at all. But we do. . . . and here we are.
1 comment:
Hi Sweetie! I'm so glad that you and Polly are able to bond over this. She's a real trooper - and it ain't easy being in her shoes sometimes. I did the same sort of step-mother to one confused, angry troublesome adolescent at 23 while pregnant. You all haven't gotten to the jail/juvenile detention facility and manipulative grandparent phase and I hope you never do. But for what it's worth, when you all get through this, and you will, you'll be a hell of a lot stronger than you ever thought you could be, and you'll have a much better sense of boundaries and what's really important. Living through this with the step child from hell also really made me apreciate what we put your mother through, and how she survived. Remember, she had 8 of us at once.
Know we are pulling for you all and sending you great vibes. You know how to reach me if you want.
Love ya'll,
M3P
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