Friday, October 17, 2008

The Street Magician

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wildflower:
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

- William Blake

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Wrestler_lo, originally uploaded by tfrank8176.

cards, originally uploaded by keldemean.

Quote du Jour

All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible.

- T.E. Lawrence

Looking for inspiration. . .

Stream of conscience, like taking a nice shit. Letting everything out, without editing (as if I ever edited). Ha! I’ll say it again HA! Beautiful, hot days, sun shinning and blue skies without even the thought of clouds.

A bit sore from the gym, but feeling GREAT! Aaron and I had an interesting conversation at lunch, about the mind body connection. I told him that my body feels better than it ever has. I continue to loose weight, build muscle and exhibit extraordinary discipline in getting it done. My mind on the other hand, seems perfectly content to remain stagnant. My body argues with my mind, telling it to step it up and join the program. My mind tells my body, that it doesn’t really exist and that all concerns should be directed to the brain. Danny Sylvester told me once that creativity is a muscle, that needs to be exercised to be effective. So, as I evaluate my life and where I am as a magician, I ask myself why don’t I look at my art the same way I did when it was a hobby. Having done the same act for so many years, I ask myself why I don’t learn more? Confused by the rationalizing bullshit I spew in heated internal dialog, I look for inspiration.

I am surrounded by exceptionally creative and talented peers. I talk regularly with Danny Sylvester, Chris Karney and Aaron Fisher. They all tinker endlessly searching for new ideas in their heads. I used to do this. I haven’t in a long time. Feeling beaten down, over the years, with the roller coaster of successes and failures, I can’t help but wonder. . . what's next?

I used to have lots of ideas, I wanted to open a magic shop, I did that for over a decade, I wanted to open a toy store, I did that too. I wanted to go to China and manufacture some magic props, did it. In fact, I did all three of those simultaneously. I wanted to be a comedy club entertainer and corporate magician, spent years doing that. So, what’s the next chapter? Where will I pull my inspiration from.

I like working the streets, and the freedom it provides. It’s pure and real, just me and my audience. It works and I make money or it doesn’t and I come home frustrated. But artistically it’s not that fulfilling, it’s more of a job.

So, what’s next? In order to book myself in more fulfilling venues, I need to start looking at my promo or lack of promo. Do I want to play that game? I’ve had effective promo pieces in the past and was pretty good at the telemarketing aspect of booking gigs. I just can’t help wondering, given the current global financial situation if this is a good time to be trying to book work in industries that must be (across the board) trying to minimize the bottom line.

Who knows. . . who cares? I do. Funny way of showing it. I struggle with the vacuum that sucks my head straight up my ass. I will say, that since starting at the gym, at least the position is more comfortable. I feel like I’ve spent the majority of my time since my divorce 4 years ago, with my head lodged firmly in my tush. Time to wipe the shit off my grin and explore what it is that I want out of my life.

I’ve got a lot of love to give the world and magic has always been the means to that end. Time to start thinking, time to start doing.

Life is to short to wallow in unhappiness. Not that, that’s what I’ve been doing, but I do spend a lot of my time obsessing about my kids and the lack of a relationship I have with them. I call them, occasionally I write to them, I send them gifts on their birthdays and Christmas. Bla Bla Bla. Some things are out of my control and I have to accept that and move on. Why is that so hard? Is it holding me back, or is that some sort of half baked excuse?

Guess time will tell. In the meantime, I’m going to try and continue improving my life, my dreams and I feel confident that all things will eventually be revealed.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sunset, Santa Monica Pier, originally uploaded by benhew.

In my "Out Box"

Dear Max,

What’s going on my man!? Long time no hear or see. What’s going on in your life these days. I sure do miss you and would love to hear your voice on the phone, get a letter from you or even see you. . . If you would like that. It’s been so long, I probably wouldn’t even recognize you. You might not recognize me either, over the last few months of going to the gym every morning, I’ve lost 20 pounds and now have more muscles than ever before. Go figure, your old man is turning into a health nut. Funny thing is, I still eat as much as I want, I just make better choices in what I decide to throw down my throat. I’m on a high protein, low carb diet. I eat a lot of meat, veggies, yogurt and fruit. No more Pepsi, potato chips or cookies. I replaced those with push ups, sit ups and lifting weights. I’d love to take you to the gym and show you around.

How do you like being back in the Seattle area? Do you miss your friends in Ellensburg? I sure miss you. How is your new school and teachers? What classes are you taking this year? Which ones are your favorites? When I think about you and all the changes that you've had to deal with over the last few years, I think about my own childhood, the divorce of my parents, moving to a new city, changing houses and schools, my mom remarrying. I know it can be a lot to process. If you ever want to talk. . . I am ALWAYS here for you. Call me anytime of the day or night and I will be happy to hear from you. My number is 323.683.5844, my Emil address is

I love you so much and think about you every day. I think about the day when we will be reunited, we’ll have so much to catch up on. Call me, write me or just think about me. I love you son.

With fond memories