Trying to get it together, again. . still, whatever. Trying to figure it out. Started this year with a batch of lofty goals and working daily to align my values with my daily activities. Am I working towards to the dreams and aspirations that I hold so dear. . . I hope so.
I’m exercising and eating right, for the most part. I’m proud of the physical transformation that I achieved last year. Looking and feeling good does wonders for the soul.
My heart breaks daily with regard to my kids, but I can only control my thoughts and actions, not theirs. Months pass without a word. This was the first Christmas that I did not send presents to them. I sent Hope a beautiful neckless for her birthday last June, haven’t heard from her since. Never even let me know if she got it. I sent Max some birthday presents in November, no word from him. Communication is a two way street. I’m tired of calling endlessly, leaving many voice mail messages for them and not hearing back. I wanted to see them while I was up in Seattle, request coldly denied.
When trying to figure out whether or not to be upset, I often ask myself; is my life any different today than it was a week, month or year ago? Sadly it isn’t, and I move forward with love in my heart and a smile on my face. I will always be here for my children, maybe someday I will be able to share the love I feel for them. . . with them.
So, I move forward into a new year, full of possibilities.
Polly and I are as solid a couple as I know. Between her, the cats, my friends and family; I feel loved and appreciated. That ain’t all bad. Life is good and going to get better if I have anything to say about it.